Coming Clean :) finally....

Good Sunday morning to all ~ Sitting here in the window desk space of my home in the Dominican, I can say that TODAY is a NEW day ... Hallelujah. Have you ever had span of time where in the thick of it you can hardly breath..much less, think of means to communicate ? maybe you have to be an over thinker, artistic type like me to find yourself in such a bind as that... i'm not really sure. Honestly, since meeting our sweet Naomi Rose and beginning our beautiful journey with her, life has left me speechless more times than I've ever recorded. I have never stood in deeper puddles of tears, nor more frequently, than in these last months... a blog post for another time would be filling you all in on the challenges we've met since being here in our country. I have always been steady in my walk with the Lord no matter how close the flames came to me... I have even had seasons of life where many many hours have been spent laying on the floor, crying to the Lord to save me ... sleeping with my Bible in my hands under my covers with me so as to feel THAT close to the Lord and his word that my PROTECTION truly lay next to me ..... these days...... i have allowed exhaustion to take over, to become numb and mindless to the battle around me... i have chosen to take up my worldly sword and stand before my enemy with a glare and gloating matter that in the end have left me wounded and weary.

Last Sunday, I found myself in church...husband at home with 4 of our children... he was on his 2 day of a nasty "flu" like "cold" .... Only at his request did i leave home... This was the very first church visit we've had since our time in the states. At the first note of the first song God took my heart and cared for it so deeply that i fell apart.... oh the LOVE that i received from my Savior and Lord... i honestly can say that the presence of the Lord was there as thick as the ocean sand after a heavy rain.. FULL of water for my weary soul.... the message was from Matthew 22 : 37... Jesus saying to one of the "experts of the law" ... his question to Jesus was , " what is the greatest commandment ?" ... Jesus replied , " Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. " This is the first and greatest commandment. ( it goes on with more beautiful words... ) In a matter of moments i heard so very clearly the Lord speak to my heart... oh Melinda .... that is your hurt.. your exhaustion, your emptiness.. your LONLINESS... God began to speak to me :
Dearest Melinda,
I have brought you here and provided your "little" to teach you that you need MUCH of me.
I have given you days with no water to show you that I ALONE am your water when your soul is parched and you are coughing up sand.
I have given you days with no power to show you that I am the LIGHT of the world... a candle alone will give you a path at night and even make you cozy in your little world child, but a candle will burn out ...it is even dangerous to have near with little ones around... oh Melinda, can't you SEE ... can't you see me?..even when the world gives your darkness, that if you desire to see MY way, you MUST SEE me FIRST ?
I have taken your refrigerator and your stove from you to show you that child, you CANNOT depend nor rest in the comforts of "your kind of foods"... there are ways to live that can only be explored if you rise up to them... you Melinda, did not rise up when i asked you quietly and now i am TEACHING you a better way... I am your BREAD ..I am your WATER...I am your POWER and I am your strength... WHEN you lean into me.... I have kept my word to you true recorded in Dueteronomy... i will never leave you and i will forever go before you like a consuming FIRE in front of you and scorch by flame your enemy ( my wording) ... THEREFORE , David and Sarah Joy will , by my allowing, WILL survive this virus ( Dengie Fever) that appears to be overtaking them...  Melinda , you MUST rest... NINE days of fever and fatigue are NOTHING to me...in MY time child..in MY time..
Psalm 37:8 .. Refrain from ANGER and TURN FROM wrath; do not FRET - IT LEADS ONLY TO EVIL. Do NOT be angry with me child... you are sitting in sin ... your temper is overshadowing your days sweet girl.
My Dearest Melinda, I , your God have bought you and and paid the highest price for your heart child. At the roll of a dice and the sneering of a crowd, I turned my back on my son... in the darkness of a storm a CURTAIN was torn FOREVER ... a new day dawned ... salvation for the sinner was awakened and IN YOUR HEART i have called  you out to be mine ! Do not loose a moment of sleep on your OWN behalf... I WILL battle this war around you... you are mine... no worker of the enemy ...not even a misquito may have your life without my word....NOR the life of your HUSBAND NOR your CHILD... do NOT forget..they are MINE FIRST child. I love them MORE THAN YOU Melinda..believe it or not .
I am passionate for you child.... I am committed to you child... you are MINE and I am YOURS ... i desire great amounts of JOY to come from these days together... will you meet me Melinda?... will you LOVE me with ALL of your HEART ? with ALL of you SOUL ? with ALL of your mind?
Talk to me.... I'm listening...
Your Father in Earth and Heaven ,
Abba God~
And so,  a new day has come... yes.. Abba God... i AM listening. I am being STILL... and with tears the size of creation I HEAR YOU !
....
This is where I have been....
Coming Clean.... FINALLY ~ Thanks for listening... May your days be blessed. May the Lord meet you where you are and for crying out loud....
COME CLEAN... you'll wear yourself out...believe me ! It's better to rest at the Lord's feet than to just sit there yanking on the edging of his robe ! He's waiting for you to come clean .....